It started with a question from someone I know.
“What does it mean when a girl allows a guy to touch her hand and shoulder?”
He wanted to know my views as I belong to the feminine gender.
For a simple question, I have to admit that the answer was hard. I had to think carefully before replying. After all, I may either unlock one of universe’s greatest mysteries or add further confusion to the one asking.
“Girls are complex beings. The ‘easy’ ones do not mind being touched at those places and even more. For the rest, allowing a guy to touch the hand and/or shoulders could be read as signs. Yet, the signs themselves may vary in meaning and weight. They could either mean that the girl is comfortable enough with the guy whom she sees as nothing more than a good buddy or she is trying to drive home a certain romantic message into the guy’s brains.”
Even I couldn’t understand what I was saying. Judging from the listener’s expression, he was also trying his best to make some sense out of it. But I guessed he must have found some pearls of wisdom because we continued our conversation. Although he didn’t initially identify the ‘guy’ in his question, I had my suspicion proven right when he let slip in his subsequent responses that he was the subject matter. And what made the conversation more interesting or insightful was that the ‘girl’ in the question was not his steady girlfriend. He confessed that he was starting to get bored with his girlfriend and for lack of better terms, was thinking of playing the field again. He wanted my views on whether he should mend his ways or break what he has with the girlfriend.
It struck me as odd that I’m always the receiving ear (pun intended) for these issues. Despite my lack of experience, somehow friends would end up telling me their relationship problems. Perhaps it is because I’ve always been the observer whose eyes have not been clouded by affection or overwhelmed by the dust from the battlefield. Alternatively, I could be an ‘Aunty Sue’ in the making where the only thing lacking now is a column in a local daily. Either way, I’m never one to shy away from giving my opinion if I seriously believe it would help others.
I told him frankly that it was unfair for the girlfriend if he’s to continue with the relationship when he has lost his will and heart. It was better to break up now when she is still young (and have more chances to attract potential suitors) than to string her along for a couple more years before using the flimsiest excuse not to settle down. As I’ve witnessed from those around me, the girls will always, and always will be the loser in the end. As it is, I pointed out that the guy had already been with his girlfriend for a couple of years. Even if he vows not to jump into the ‘couple’ scene right after the break up, it wouldn’t affect him one bit if he pursues another girl once he’s a free man. There would somehow be no ‘record’ or ‘trace’ of his previous relationship(s) which would be adverse to him.
Yet, the same thing can’t be said for the girl in question. Having been seen by society at large as the guy’s ‘girl’ for the past years, her value would be somewhat diminished. And while nothing could have happened (or nothing actually happened) during the period that they were together, it’s not wrong to say that most of the society’s members will still raise an eyebrow in disbelief and ask “Are you sure nothing happened?”. Sigh. Society’s unfair in that way.
He just looked at me in silence before telling me that I sounded like his mother. His mother!
Apparently, his mother had given the same advice – to break the relationship now to be fair to the girlfriend. While I’m still reeling at the thought of being told that I sounded like someone’s mother, that didn’t stop my tongue. I told him that his mother was being fair and was not only looking at her son’s interests. In fact, I had the unfortunate privilege of knowing mothers who see the world through rosy-tinted windows where it concerns their sons. To them, it is a divine right for their sons to play around with girls’ hearts and leave them broken like a crushed flower under someone’s heel. They forget that before they became mothers, they were once girls too.
It was a long conversation between us but I did manage to ask another question which I’ve always thought as important.
“Why did you choose her in the first place?”
He started his answer by saying that they got together during their student days. And his answer ended at that. I looked at him, sipped my drink and paused.
“You did it because of peer pressure”.
It may very well be a revelation. The sadder part was that he was not the only one. There are too many of us who are afraid that we will be viewed as ‘unpopular’ or ‘tak laku’ if we don’t snag a girl or boy to be our other halves. Rather than waiting for the right person, most of us just settle down with ‘second best’ or worst, ‘total rejects’. It is ironic that some of us are willing to be seen with people who are bad for us just so that we’re seen to have some ‘value’. I’m not sure if I’ve written this before in my blog but it has always been my personal view that choosing your other half can be likened to picking apples. You can easily get one bad apple from the many rotten apples wasting away on the ground. Yet, if you want to get a good apple, you must persevere in climbing the tree and weathering the uncertain weather before you get to pluck the fruit of Eden.
I told him that while the society is guilty of exerting social expectations (and if I may say, worthless pressure to settle down), the individual is equally guilty too. He (and there are many more like him) needs to think that the society will not care when your relationship breaks or your personal life shattered to smithereens due to a nasty break up or divorce. This could be the very reason why there would be many notices pasted on signboards announcing impending wedding receptions but there would be no notification when there are divorces or custody battles.
Whether it’s me looking at the glass half-full or half-empty, each of us will cry alone. If and when we cry, let it be because of a reasoned decision which we make (and we thought to be the correct one at the moment) and not because we were merely caught in a tide of nothings.
“What does it mean when a girl allows a guy to touch her hand and shoulder?”
He wanted to know my views as I belong to the feminine gender.
For a simple question, I have to admit that the answer was hard. I had to think carefully before replying. After all, I may either unlock one of universe’s greatest mysteries or add further confusion to the one asking.
“Girls are complex beings. The ‘easy’ ones do not mind being touched at those places and even more. For the rest, allowing a guy to touch the hand and/or shoulders could be read as signs. Yet, the signs themselves may vary in meaning and weight. They could either mean that the girl is comfortable enough with the guy whom she sees as nothing more than a good buddy or she is trying to drive home a certain romantic message into the guy’s brains.”
Even I couldn’t understand what I was saying. Judging from the listener’s expression, he was also trying his best to make some sense out of it. But I guessed he must have found some pearls of wisdom because we continued our conversation. Although he didn’t initially identify the ‘guy’ in his question, I had my suspicion proven right when he let slip in his subsequent responses that he was the subject matter. And what made the conversation more interesting or insightful was that the ‘girl’ in the question was not his steady girlfriend. He confessed that he was starting to get bored with his girlfriend and for lack of better terms, was thinking of playing the field again. He wanted my views on whether he should mend his ways or break what he has with the girlfriend.
It struck me as odd that I’m always the receiving ear (pun intended) for these issues. Despite my lack of experience, somehow friends would end up telling me their relationship problems. Perhaps it is because I’ve always been the observer whose eyes have not been clouded by affection or overwhelmed by the dust from the battlefield. Alternatively, I could be an ‘Aunty Sue’ in the making where the only thing lacking now is a column in a local daily. Either way, I’m never one to shy away from giving my opinion if I seriously believe it would help others.
I told him frankly that it was unfair for the girlfriend if he’s to continue with the relationship when he has lost his will and heart. It was better to break up now when she is still young (and have more chances to attract potential suitors) than to string her along for a couple more years before using the flimsiest excuse not to settle down. As I’ve witnessed from those around me, the girls will always, and always will be the loser in the end. As it is, I pointed out that the guy had already been with his girlfriend for a couple of years. Even if he vows not to jump into the ‘couple’ scene right after the break up, it wouldn’t affect him one bit if he pursues another girl once he’s a free man. There would somehow be no ‘record’ or ‘trace’ of his previous relationship(s) which would be adverse to him.
Yet, the same thing can’t be said for the girl in question. Having been seen by society at large as the guy’s ‘girl’ for the past years, her value would be somewhat diminished. And while nothing could have happened (or nothing actually happened) during the period that they were together, it’s not wrong to say that most of the society’s members will still raise an eyebrow in disbelief and ask “Are you sure nothing happened?”. Sigh. Society’s unfair in that way.
He just looked at me in silence before telling me that I sounded like his mother. His mother!
Apparently, his mother had given the same advice – to break the relationship now to be fair to the girlfriend. While I’m still reeling at the thought of being told that I sounded like someone’s mother, that didn’t stop my tongue. I told him that his mother was being fair and was not only looking at her son’s interests. In fact, I had the unfortunate privilege of knowing mothers who see the world through rosy-tinted windows where it concerns their sons. To them, it is a divine right for their sons to play around with girls’ hearts and leave them broken like a crushed flower under someone’s heel. They forget that before they became mothers, they were once girls too.
It was a long conversation between us but I did manage to ask another question which I’ve always thought as important.
“Why did you choose her in the first place?”
He started his answer by saying that they got together during their student days. And his answer ended at that. I looked at him, sipped my drink and paused.
“You did it because of peer pressure”.
It may very well be a revelation. The sadder part was that he was not the only one. There are too many of us who are afraid that we will be viewed as ‘unpopular’ or ‘tak laku’ if we don’t snag a girl or boy to be our other halves. Rather than waiting for the right person, most of us just settle down with ‘second best’ or worst, ‘total rejects’. It is ironic that some of us are willing to be seen with people who are bad for us just so that we’re seen to have some ‘value’. I’m not sure if I’ve written this before in my blog but it has always been my personal view that choosing your other half can be likened to picking apples. You can easily get one bad apple from the many rotten apples wasting away on the ground. Yet, if you want to get a good apple, you must persevere in climbing the tree and weathering the uncertain weather before you get to pluck the fruit of Eden.
I told him that while the society is guilty of exerting social expectations (and if I may say, worthless pressure to settle down), the individual is equally guilty too. He (and there are many more like him) needs to think that the society will not care when your relationship breaks or your personal life shattered to smithereens due to a nasty break up or divorce. This could be the very reason why there would be many notices pasted on signboards announcing impending wedding receptions but there would be no notification when there are divorces or custody battles.
Whether it’s me looking at the glass half-full or half-empty, each of us will cry alone. If and when we cry, let it be because of a reasoned decision which we make (and we thought to be the correct one at the moment) and not because we were merely caught in a tide of nothings.
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