My Fish Tank

In case you’re wondering about how many fishes I have as pets, I have none. My understanding of fishes is limited to the fact that a goldfish is expensive and hard to keep, kois are often depicted in oil paintings (perhaps it’s the calming effect on those who view the paintings) and one of the best animation ever produced is ‘Finding Nemo’. Oh, and my ability to identify the types of fishes is dependent upon the fishes that my mum buys from the wet market. Apart from the above, I am, in my opinion, undependable in keeping those fin-e creatures alive.

‘Fish Tank’ is my own personal term used for a little corner others refer to as my office room since April 2008. And without me realizing it, I’ve spent almost 2 years working in the confines of the Fish Tank. Unlike other rooms in my office, Fish Tank has no windows. In fact, it is a room that is built in the inner part of the building. Because of that, I was never able to see whether the day is shining brightly or hear heavy rain slamming against the windows. Instead, I have to rely on my colleagues to inform me of the bad weather or me coming to my senses when Fish Tank suddenly feels super-cold.

How Fish Tank looks like. I've packed most of the stuff by now, hence the 'less messy' look =p

Yet, come April 9 2010, I would have to part ways with Fish Tank. The legal firm which I’m working with will be moving to our new office premises where my new room is waiting. For someone who’s gotten used to Fish Tank (well, I’ve to admit that I felt claustrophobic during the first few months in Fish Tank. I was always thinking ‘What?! No windows?!’) and its err…’enviable’ position (I shall not disclose anything more), my new room is very much different.

From Fish Tank to a room that has floor-ceiling windows, that is certainly a big change. With my new room, I can actually view my surroundings (ok, the view’s is only so-so. Unless of course, you find that facing high-rise apartments and a lone water tank by the sidelines are appealing). Yet, I become surprisingly sad at the sight of boxes stacked neatly along the walls of Fish Tank. The boxes surely meant that our parting is getting closer and the moment I’ve moved to the new room, Fish Tank will be demolished.

Whether I like it or not, Fish Tank witnessed my infant years in surviving the corners and bends of private practice. The only thing that the new room has in common with Fish Tank is again, its errr…’enviable’ position. And that is a story in its own right. Suffice to say, the saying ‘Chinese walls’ remains checked and guarded.

For now, it’s me bidding adieu to my home away from home. Fish Tank, I’m sorry for not giving you a better name and thanks for the company!

Are my values valued enough

Last Friday, I received something in the post which was quite extraordinary.

Unlike the usual bills I receive on a monthly basis (you know, the ones which will cause me to promise myself not to buy the next thing I see on sale. Yet that resolution completely disappears the moment I actually see the 'Sale' banner of a favourite brand) or the junk mail which I unfortunately receive on a weekly basis, this was addressed to me at my office's address.

At first glance, I wanted to chuck it away. But something in me thought twice about it and I ended up opening the letter. It turned out to be a survey from one of those private universities with international standing on what I value in life. I've always been rather apprehensive about answering surveys and I wanted to throw the forms away but upon careful reading of the questions posed (and the fact that I'm promised a book voucher from a reputable international bookstore), it piqued my interest enough to answer the survey.

Because the questions also raised many things which I did not think of before, I thought it is a good idea for me to write a little (hmm, I hardly write little. Long winded is more likely) about it in my blog.

Essentially, the survey organiser had compiled a series of values which we are then to rate their respective importance in our lives. They promised that the time taken should not be more than 20 minutes and that it could be done in a jiffy. I think that's a blatant misrepresentation. Why? Because these are the very values we often take for granted and yet, thinking about them (obviously I got to think about them before I rate them) makes me wonder whether I actually have those values in place! And this situation could very well affect you as it did me.

As I know my tendency to write longer than I should, I'll just write on a couple of values and leave the rest for future entries. Note that what's stated below is merely my opinion. Feel free to comment if you agree, disagree or just taking the chance to reflect on those values.

Equality

I'm all for equality but frankly, there are just too many differences among mankind. While we say we are all children of God, we also fail to see beyond our differences. In an ideal state, our differences is the best example to reflect how God's powers are beyond the imagination and creation of man. Yet, those very differences are exploited by opportunists to further their cause in widening the rift between genders, religions, races, creed and nationalities.

Equality doesn't exist when one is denied a promotion for merely belonging to the wrong or weaker gender. Similarly, equality is not about killing people from a particular race or having the right to kill when you belong to the so-called superior race. Equality is never about invading another country's sovereignty and reducing the invaded country's nationals as collateral damage. Equality is further demeaned when you interfere with another person's religion or belief simply because your religion says otherwise.

Equality is about accepting the differences that exist and not to discriminate on the same differences.

Inner Harmony

I have to admit that this value is personally difficult. Am perpetually torn between what I feel I can achieve and what I feel others want me to achieve. It's a balancing act with myself as the tightrope. Everyone has their personal demons and while some choose to confront it, others live in denial. As for me, I am still unsure of what my demons are and how to confront them. What I know is merely that inner harmony is my precious link to sanity and survivability. Even if I can own the world, I will not find myself as long as I'm not at peace with myself. Hmm...is this the time to go for a retreat and start chanting in some dimly-lit room with smells of aromatherapy wafting by?



Social Power

Oooo...this has to be one of the best values (especially if one aspires to be a politician or in recent times, a politician's wife) to be discussed.

They say some are born into greatness, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrusted upon them. One thing they have in common is the individual's ability to exert dominance or control over others. Now, the dominance or control is both a good and bad mechanism. It's good if you use your position for the betterment of mankind but how often do we see that happening? More often than not, these people are clouded in their judgments and abuse the social power for their own causes.

Without us realising it, social power is not a flash-in-the pan kind of event. It is a systematic plan that cultivates its roots back from our school days. When we were kids, it's called peer pressure. You have the social power (so to speak) if what you use becomes what other students should get. If you are at the other end of spectrum and fail to follow what others have seen fit to be followed, then you're a reject. A reject is very unlikely to wield social power unless of course, you gang up with fellow rejects or those who belong to neither camps.

Peer pressure remains with you until adulthood beckons. By that time, it's already a promotion to social power. What you work as or how much pay you take home influences your social standing in the eyes of society. With that recognition, comes the power to dominate your surroundings. Suffice to say, it's hard to control or dominate when you're at the lower end of salary.

Finally, when you really become someone at the top, social power is cleverly disguised as 'social order'. You preach to society on the evils that may occur if you're disposed off. With the backing of blind faith from your followers (whom you've collected along the years), you are led to seriously believe that you're indispensable.

Freedom

Like equality, this is another oft-quoted feel-good value which we have deluded ourselves into believing. We may not have been born in the times when slaves existed but it doesn't mean we're free. We are in reality, burdened by many things which may never be described or mentioned in the same breath as 'freedom'.

There are no shackles to stop us from running away but in its place, we have financial burdens to imprison us. Suffice to say, most of us have gotten used to the idea of credit cards that we 'chain' ourselves to a life of paying debts. And when we can't pay for our debts in our lifetime, the 'chain' is passed to our descendants.

And please, don't persuade me that 'freedom of action' and 'freedom of thoughts' are the pillars of democracy. We may have the freedom to think (otherwise, what's the purpose of that brain in the first place?) but when thoughts translate into action, it may not be appreciated. Worst, leaders are prone to use the long arms of the law to punish us for those actions which we thought are our rights to begin with.

One of my lecturer once said that Freedom is liberty and that itself provides the basis for a dilemma of sorts. Ideally, you have the liberty to act or say anything which your heart desires. Yet, where do you draw the line when your action affects another person's liberty? That person is also entitled to his or her liberty of not being disturbed in any unwarranted manner. And in respecting the other person's liberty, we tend to sacrifice our own wishes. So, is there really freedom? Or is it merely a seven letter word found under 'F' in the dictionary?


I've written longer than I planned and there are many more interesting values to be shared. Well, until my next entry on my values...cheers!

What do you do on a Sunday?

Sunday is usually my 'let's stay at home and do nothing' day.

Unlike Friday night which one would feel up to do anything or Saturday where there's a sense of relief of having another day before Monday, Sunday is well...the prelude to Monday blues. And how did I spend today's Sunday?

Woke up early as my self-imposed punishment for not doing laundry yesterday. Obviously, if I was lazy to do laundry on a Saturday, it necessarily means my Sunday morning is gazetted for the ever thrilling laundry-related activities. For these moments, I wished I have 10 white shirts and 10 black bottoms (be it skirt or pants) hanging in my closet. That way, I would be able to put my laundry on hold and still have my trade clothes for the coming week!

Once I was done with laundry, I thought I would have the rest of Sunday to laze around. And that freedom was really important because I spent my Saturday accompanying my parents to visit few of my paternal relatives. Well, humans plan and God decides. My grand Sunday plan was not to be.

Abah was suddenly inspired to have our Sunday breakfast at Shah Alam's Tesco. And since Mama and I had no better venues to suggest, we just followed along. With Abah at the wheels and me having left my GPS sitting comfortably at home, what was supposed to be a minutes drive to Tesco turned into something else. Let's just say that with one wrong turn, we would have found ourselves on the way to Bukit Jelutong and some God forsaken areas. During the hunt for Tesco, we managed to see most sights of Shah Alam before we actually spotted Tesco's familiar blue and red signboard! And that fact is itself pretty funny because Tesco is so close to the federal highway. Perhaps it was our own folly for choosing to use the Glenmarie instead of paying a few extra bucks for toll. In any event, you won't see my family and I in any Amazing Race episode for sure.

By the time we reached home, it was close to 2 p.m. Barely an hour later, my parents then decided to head to Carrefour as we didn't buy anything in Tesco. I ended up following them and we had our tea in Dominos Pizza. I was craving for KFC's cheesy wedges but since Abah was addicted to Dominos' garlic twisty bread, Dominos is the answer. Tea was followed by a round of grocery shopping, reducing me to a sense of helplessness.

Surely there must be better ways to spend a Sunday than turning into an 'ahjumma' right?

Songs of the Past

I know it may sound crazy but don't you think certain songs or movies can magically transport you back to that special moment in the past?

Before you get any wrong ideas, I'm not referring to those lovey-dovey sort of memories shared between lovers. Instead, I'm referring to the normal movies or songs that hold a special place in your heart (and your heart alone) to remind you where you've been or what age you were at that particular time. I've to thank my dad for he was the one who introduced the concept of linking a song or movie as a way to remember the past.

Right now, I'm a working professional (or at least I would like to think) but Bon Jovi's 'It's My Life' will always bring me back to my 17 year-old self. Back then, I was a lot chubbier being whose understanding of shoes was confined to that of Bata school shoes. I was also the girl who had to sleep early and wake up in the ungodly hours to put in a few hours of revision daily. At that time, I honestly felt my life was heading nowhere. SPM was the exam that would roughly determine where's my path gonna be. It doesn't matter how many A's I got for previous exams. If I fail SPM, the hurdle becomes much more intimidating. With the stress of constantly having to answer 'How many A's will you be getting?', it was not a moment I wanted to remember. And to keep my sanity, I kinda relied on the song (I know it's cheesy but that's the truth) to keep me going. Perhaps it was the catchy beat or the lyrics but what was playing in my head was the 'It's My Life' part. The words seemed to put some life in the dreary textbooks that I had to read. And when I got my exam results, apart from thanking the usual suspects, I did include a silent thanks to Bon Jovi for coming up with the song at that crucial time.

Another song that's very close to my heart is Lighthouse Family's 'High'. I may be driving my car to work but the moment 'High' plays on the radio, I will no longer be in Malaysia. Just like the Charles Dicken's immortal 'A Christmas Carol' where Ebeneezer Scrooge met his younger self, my mind will rewind images of my 14 year old self at the end of 1997. My body may remain strapped to the car seat but my spirit will be in Cardiff, Wales. The song reminded me so much of the cold windy days I spent walking with my family between our house at No. 1, Bedford Street, Cardiff to the Queens Street mall. We spent many happy hours of afternoon teas at the Hayes Island in front of the St. David Hall. I could see myself trudging against the chilly winds for the comfort of those warmly heated shops and buying a nice Greggs apple pie fresh from the oven along the way. I could hear my sisters' laughter as we walked past the JW Smith bookstore or during one of our constant tour of David Morgan (which is no longer there). Best of all, I remembered entering the Clinton card shop near Argos and asking the staff of the name of the song which was playing on air. It turned out to be 'High'.

Natalie Imbruglia's 'Torn' and Janet Jackson's 'Velvet Rope' are also songs that remind me of Cardiff. Along with those 3 songs, my mind will automatically focus on Cardiff everytime I watch 'Titanic' or listen to Titanic soundtrack. I'm no fan of Leo DiCaprio or Kate Winslet but as I've written before, Titanic was the movie I watched with my dad in a small cinema at the end of Queens Street.

I will always remember Pierce Brosnan's first outing as James Bond because that movie was the only movie I watched with my maternal grandfather. It was also in Cardiff where I went for a cinema outing my grandfather and my elder cousin brother.

I watched 'Quantum of Solace' with my sisters in a cinema near the Olympic Park in Seoul. Frankly, I was not interested in James Bond but as there was no other movies showing (which we have not seen), we watched it anyway. Given our long flight from KL just hours earlier, I dozed off in the cinema a couple of times. From the way I see it, one can afford to sleep during a Bond movie because there's not much plot going on in the first place.

My most recent movie-moments were in Australia. Together with my sister Syazwina, we managed to catch a movie each in Melbourne and Launceston. The Melbourne part was exceptionally interesting (it is for me. You're free to think otherwise). The movie outing was the end of our second day in Melbourne. Earlier in the day, we went out for a short tour of Melbourne with our cousin. She pointed out that she would often watch movie at 'Melbourne Central' and being movie buffs, my sister and I planned to catch a movie. The only problem was 'when'. That problem was solved soon enough. Our cousin had to leave early and we returned to 'Melbourne Central' on the pretext of getting our dinner before heading home. We checked out 'Hoyts' (their movie cinema), saw the ticket prices and our jaws nearly dropped. It's a cool AUD17 for a movie ticket. Convert it to RM and that basically dampens our spirit.

We then saw a nearby restaurant which offered movie tickets at AUD 10 if customers buy set meals at around AUD7 plus. Now, it doesn't seem that bad because for AUD17, we get to eat and watch a movie. We bought 2 set meals and 2 movie vouchers which we planned to use the next day which was a Friday. While eating, I read the terms and conditions on the vouchers and almost choked. Apparently, the vouchers are only valid Monday-Thursday and we'll be leaving for Launceston the day after Friday. That basically means we have to watch a movie that night itself or forfeit it altogether.

In the end (and to avoid wasting AUD20 already paid for the tickets), we settled for 'Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief' show at 9 p.m. The movie was fantastic but we soon realised that once the movie ends, we must sprint from Elizabeth Street to the nearest tram station on Williams Street or risk finding our way home on foot (which would not go down well with our host as Melbourne was hit by a sudden flood). And sprint we did because we managed to catch the second last (if not last) tram back to Brunswick West at approximately quarter to midnight. Until today, both my sister and I thought we must have been crazy (or dangerously stupid) that night! We were not at all familiar with Melbourne and yet, dared to watch a late movie and catching the last few trams on the very day most Melbourne trams suspended their service due to flooding.

Melbourne Central's Hoyts. The tickets that could have gotten us in trouble.

As for Launceston, we watched 'Valentine's Day' in the Village Cinema on Brisbane Street. I've nothing much to say bout the movie but the cinema experience was definitely worth remembering. The cinema itself was like a mini theatre complete with drawn curtains and to our surprise, seats that are not numbered and barely covered half of our bodies. While we tiny Asians have difficulty in not being able to let our heads rest, the huge Australians do not seem to have any problem at all!

Valentine's Day in Launceston. Note that the tickets have no seat numbers. We watched it on a Tuesday which is 'Supersaver Day'. Hence, the AUD10.50 instead of the usual AUD17 =)

Funny day

Today was in one word, funny.

First was the wedding reception that I attended with my mom.
As it was my mom's friend's son's (have I left you confused already? ) wedding reception, I obviously did not expect to meet anyone familiar. My mum was excited to attend because she knew beforehand that several of her old school friends would also be attending. I, on the other hand, was merely playing the 'escort' role in lieu of my dad's absence.

To my surprise (and horror), I did find someone I know from my line of work. I was having a drink when someone patted me on my shoulder. I turned around and it was a High Court Judge whom I've appeared before many times. I guessed we were both surprised at the possibility of attending the same wedding reception. The Judge started asking how I was connected to the groom's family and I explained the long-winded relationship. The Judge on the other hand, explained that she was the ex sister-in-law to the groom's mum's sister. Wow, that goes to show how small the world is. We would know someone who knows another person and before we knew it, we're connected in one way or another.

My mum returned to our table at that very moment and I then introduced the Judge to my mother. If that was not odd enough, the Judge insisted that my mom and I move to her table where the rest of her family are seated. So what started as a simple wedding reception became to me, an awkward social event. As I was very much aware that the Judge is still a Judge whom I'll appear before for my cases, I purposely chose to sit 3 seats away from her. Between her and me was my mom, the groom's aunt and an empty seat next to the Judge. The groom's aunt was surprised to discover that I am working as a lawyer. Even when the Judge herself confirmed this fact, the lady continued to say that I looked no older than a Form 5 kid. Haha...glad to know I could still pass off as a teenager :)

Yet, the Judge seemed bent on having a conversation with me. We were having conversation across the table when my mum suggested that I moved to the seat next to the Judge. I couldn't say no and found myself sitting next to the Judge. This new position was certainly a far cry from my usual position before the Judge in the Court where we were often separated by the Bar table.

Anyway, I found out many things about the Judge just as she found out many stuff about me. One fact that the Judge discovered was that I am the niece of someone she knows quite well. And thanks to my mum who was being her friendly self, the Judge also got to know basic details of my family (which I would have like to be kept a secret) and how I became a Coke addict from the young age of 4 months. I on the other hand, got to know among others, the Judge's brother, sister in law and nephew. It was also a sort of BBGS reunion because both my mom and the Judge were from BBGS during the days of Ms. Cooke who was the principal back then. For the entire period I was seated with the Judge at the same table, it was surreal.

Following the accidental meeting with the Judge, I sms-ed YPN and her succinct reply was 'Haha, you really have the luck lar'. Err...ok. Is it luck? I was just thinking that the cosmic powers were playing a joke on me. I seemed to be a magnate for these kind of meets. And it's the kind of luck I would prefer not to have!

Below are pictures of my mum with her old school friends. From the way they chatted, it seemed that time has not passed since their BBGS' days. They may have become mothers now but I could still see the schoolgirls they were once before.

My mum (the one with the headscarf) and Aunty Sabrina

My mum, Aunty Sabrina and Aunty Rose (the groom's mum). I think I followed my mum in the height department.

My mum with Aunty Khalidah

'Young' girls having a short chat before going off

Thanks to my mom's girlfriends who all said they're on Facebook (while my mom was previously blissfully unaware of the fb appeal) , I spent my Saturday night creating my mom's own fb account. The fb thingy was the second funny thing which happened today.

Well, I guessed my mom was pretty excited at the thought of finding all her old school friends on fb. And soon enough, I was adding people to her account as she rattles on the names of her friends. What I can foresee at this stage is that my mum will be glued to the computer during her free time for fb activities. So, I may have to take a short hiatus from blogging (for the first time, I actually have a valid excuse in not blogging) as I accompany my mom on her journey of discovering the joys (and 'stalkerish' characteristic of the typical fb user) of facebook. On a personal note, my mom has added me to her fb friend list so there may be albums of mine that would fall under the 'customise viewing', haha. Hey, I've to preserve my privacy and protect my mum's sanity, right? Mama, if you're reading this, please note that I'm only kidding ;)

In short, there are definitely stranger things in life to happen but for now, today was indeed a strange day.

Courtesy is not that difficult

In my course of work, there are often (more than I would have liked) moments when I have to liaise with the powers that be ranging from ministeries, governmental departments, police and Courts.

And each time I lift the phone to make a call, I would have to breathe slowly and run happy thoughts in my mind. Why the need? Because while I take every effort to be polite and courteous to the other end of the line, it is just not reciprocated most of the time. Most notorious of them all are the staff manning our institutions of justice. From the way the staff (am not making a general statement here but the polite and helpful ones are simply outnumbered) respond to our queries, we could very well be the accused persons on trial.

By the way, this entry or ranting (whichever way you see it as) is thanks to an extremely 'polite' staff who answered my call. I called up the KL Court Complex to seek guidance as to whom the particular letter should be addressed to. My call was eventually directed to this male person whom I shall call as an 'S'. Anyway, I asked S for the intended addressee's proper designation because obviously, the person receiving the letter may get offended if they are not properly referred to. S thought he was being super intelligent and said it's sufficient if I address it to 'Senior Assistant Registrar (of the relevant division)'. I disagreed because if the division has a Registrar, there's no need for the letter to be sent to the SAR.

Then, I posed further queries which left S more frustrated.

Finally, he said 'Senang. Hantar aje kat CR' (translation: Easy. Send it to CR). I was confused and asked 'what's CR'?. Now, here comes the cruncher. S replied by asking 'Awak ni lawyer ke?' (translation: Are you a lawyer?). While I was getting angry at S' tone, I took a deep breath and said in the most polite tone I could muster, a curt yes. I nearly blew my top when S continued his remark in a very condescending manner, "Awak lawyer pun tak tau CR ke?"

Ok, that statement left me flabbergasted. If it was my faculty mates who asked what CR stands for, I would know it's 'Common Room'. If it was my Form 5 accounts teacher who asked me that question, I would get a whack on the head for not knowing it stands for 'credit'.

Instead, I have one 'S' asking me that question. And in my limited years of practice, I'm afraid I've never come across the term 'CR'. I've heard about 'SAR' or 'TP', 'MJU', CJ, JCA, PCA but not CR. So I told that 'S' that I do not know what CR is all about.

S sighed and said it stood for 'Case Registry'. Bloody hell. How am I supposed to know that? Everyone I know (well, those legally trained anyway. Blinking idiots like 'S' who think they're smart just because they get to scold us do not count) calls the Registry as the Registry. We wouldn't know that Court staff uses CR as part of their lingo.

And just to confirm, I even asked my colleagues whether they know what 'CR' stands for. Like me, they do not know as well.

What creatures like 'S' fail to comprehend with that nut of a brain (forgive me for being generous) is that there are better ways to respond to people's queries. They may see the 'BUAT KERJA' banners every time they clock in for duty but do they know what the term really means? BUAT KERJA means doing your job to the best of your ability. It does not mean giving you the privilege to treat people who seek your help like dirt.

With examples like 'S' running around, I do not know why foreigners think Malaysians are courteous. Obviously, most of us conveniently missed the fact that being polite is a virtue. I'm not asking Court staff to be doormats but merely to be courteous to all and not only to their learned bosses.

But then again, they may never understand what being courteous is all about. Just like being forced to wear a stupid tag saying 'Smile' when you obviously do not like to smile, it reminds me of the following -

'You can drag a horse to the river but you can't force the horse to drink the water'

With that, I 'look forward' to the many more opportunities in interacting with those staff who may make my day if they're just polite.

Our expectations

I went out with my colleagues for lunch today at Wisma UOA along Jalan Dungun. Somehow, we have lost touch with UOA's foodcourt which is rather amazing because seriously, the lack of choices in our area means every available foodcourt is like an oasis in the desert!

Anyway, one of the stalls there sells great mutton curry. I fell in love from the first bite and since then, every visit to UOA's foodcourt must necessarily mean a generous helping of mutton with rice. Because of that fact alone (and what I suspect is YPN's liking of the dish as well), the three of us trudged uphill under the hot sun to get to UOA.

I immediately made a beeline to the stall while YPN found a table for us. To my utter dismay, there was no mutton dish. When asked about the 'missing' mutton, the stall keeper smiled apologetically and said 'Sorry Miss. Mutton is very expensive nowadays'. With that one sentence, my heart was crushed and I had to settle for a piece of fried chicken. I had originally planned to eat the mutton dish as a 'farewell' because my firm would be moving office soon. What I didn't expect was the mutton dish saying goodbye first.

Like our other lunch sessions (and those notoriously long tea sessions), we would chat about everything that crosses our minds (twisted at times) as a way to unwind. And today was no different. It started with religion but somehow, it got derailed when YPN asked MAO and myself of what we expect from a marriage (or more importantly, the partner concerned).

Hmmm...interesting question indeed.

MAO started the ball rolling by answering in his typical style, the following. According to MAO (and not Jim), his intended should, among others -

(a) not nag. He wants a peace of mind when he reaches home;

(b) have a little bit of trust in him.

Then YPN directed the question to me. I think I almost choked on my chicken because obviously, the happy event will not be happening anytime soon for me. And while I do have certain expectations of my other half (which has yet to be located at the moment. He must have gotten lost in the wilderness), I somehow could not translate it into words.
It is easy to say what I want (or expect or worst, demand) from my other half but I alone do not make a marriage. From what I've seen so far, it's so much easier to think rationally now with your head before everything gets convoluted the moment the heart starts to reach out.

We have our expectations of what we want from from our half or what we should be when we're married. Though unspoken at most times, I do not think it's wrong to assume that everyone wants a happy marriage with someone they love. Everyone wants a happy home with splendid children. Everyone hopes for a 'happily ever after' deep down in their hearts. Yet, we often forget that expectations are really, a double sided coin. We could be deliriously happy when our expectations are met. Conversely, we could be woefully sad when circumstances or the person we love fail to meet the threshold.

Expectations are most definitely a two-way street. Just as we expect of others, others may also expect from us. The only difference lies in the degree of expectation. Some aim for the sky, looking for a God-like partner who's perfect in every possible way. Some are contend merely to settle down with a bad apple just so that they won't be seen or called as 'unwanted leftovers'.

Whichever way you look at it, expectations do contribute to our colourful existence as humans. And when our expectations fail, seek solace that perhaps, it was the wrong thing for you in the first place. Haha, well that is how sourgrapes would console themselves!

Since I was talking about marriage and expectations (which would necessarily involve the husband and wife), I'll sign off this entry with my sister's all-time favourite quote -

"The man is the head of the family. But the wife is the neck and the neck may turn the head anyway it wants the head to be!" (taken from My Big Fat Greek Wedding)

What happened to Wonderland?

My first cinema movie that my dad took me to was Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs.

I loved (although tend to be embarrased at the same time) when he recalled how as a toddler, I would show enthusiasm when he asked whether I want to see the big 'TV'. At that time, Snow White was showing and so, he brought me to the cinema in Kuala Lumpur. He was initially worried that the old cinema seat (the type that goes up when no one's sitting on it) would swallow my cute toddler-ass (this is my blog. Deal with it.). According to him, I was enjoying myself playing with the chair and babbled on like any other toddler you see in the cinema today. And when the cartoon finally came on screen, I guessed I was mesmerized by the moving pictures and colourful scenes. Well, a toddler's attention is only for a short time span. My dad then realised after a short period that I was being uncharacteristically quiet and turned his head to see what I was up to. To his (and my) dismay, I was fast asleep! It could very well be the song 'Someday My Prince Will Come' being played but I was already in lala land.

Since then, I've watched many more Disney movies with him like Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid. And when I got slightly older, watching movies like Wesley Snipe's Drop Zone and Daniel Day-Lewis' The Last of the Mohicans became family outings. Oh, and 'Titanic' will always have a soft spot in my heart because that was the movie that I watched with him when we were in the UK. It was memorable because Titanic was just released (and Leonardo DiCaprio was like the hottest guy on earth) and because my sisters were not old enough to watch (the Brits rated the movie as 12 years old and above), I pestered my dad to accompany me. I did curse myself when the movie came to the 'draw-me-wearing-this-only-this' because frankly, it was just so embarassing to watch such scenes with your dad!

The movie outings that I considered as family routine soon disappeared and it became just my siblings and I. Whatever movie that was showing, my parents would just stay home and told us to enjoy ourselves. They gave us the money and we watched the movies on our own.

After what must be eons, Syazwina and myself finally managed to persuade my parents to join us to watch Jim Carrey's Yes Man. It was in December 2009 because my sister had her free birthday ticket, my dad had his birthday ticket, and I bought the remaining tickets for mum and I.

In conjunction with Johnny Depp's Alice in Wonderland, I asked my dad if he wanted to go watch the movie with me. By the way, both of us are Depp's fans from the latter's days as Edward Scissorhands. As my dad did not manage to catch Depp's Sweeney Todd and Public Enemies in the cinema, he was game to watch Alice for one simple reason. Depp.

So off we went to Tropicana City Mall yesterday for the 1.25 p.m. show. We didn't watch the 3D version because the tickets were sold out. Most importantly, my dad said he feels stupid wearing those special glasses. The hall was packed with parents bringing their kids, toddlers and even babies. I could understand the composition of the audience because it was after all, Alice in Wonderland and a Disney production. So, we had to make do with the odd stroller being placed in the middle of the cinema, wailing babies, chattering toddlers and kids who make it their life's purpose to head to the loo every 10 minutes or so.

I've been informed by my sister and friends of my 'cinema temperament' often. I don't like entering the cinema late, hate people who cannot switch off their handphones, loath people who do running commentaries as if everyone wants to listen and despise people with uncontrollable limbs. Well, I have suspected where I got my temperament from all along but yesterday's movie outing merely confirmed it. My dad gets easily pissed off as well! And like me, he is not able to continue watching the movie without directing his attention (or glare) at the offending party.

We started watching Alice with high hopes. Nothing could go wrong with Depp and Burton combination. They're highly creative people and Alice gives the perfect premise for us to be enthralled with their imagination. Alas, I found myself confused and disappointed time and time again over the next 2 hours.

The movie we watched was titled 'Alice in Wonderland' but somehow, it was not the Alice that I read during my childhood days. Sure, there was the Red Queen (which imho, was played superbly by Ms. Bonham-Carter. In fact, I would go as far as saying that she carried the movie), the hare, the twins, the cheshire cat and the army of cards. And before I forget, Alice and the Mad Hatter. And that was the main problem.

We have an Alice who is not that young and the lead actress could be somehow related to Gwyneth Paltrow. And thanks to Emma and Shakespeare in Love, one cannot imagine Paltrow being the feisty Alice who succeeded in bringing down the Red Queen.

And far from focusing on the Mad Hatter's role, we have instead, Johnny Depp with strange contacts and weirder hairpiece popping in and out of the movie within short spaces of time. The combination of Mad Hatter and Johnny Depp should have given the movie a great boost (and what I suspect, led most adults to flock to the cinemas) but the combination that I saw made me think it's much better to stay away from the cinema. To me, Johnny Depp is one of those great actors where the audience is able to see his persona and not the actor. Regrettably, his role as the Mad Hatter did not give him much opportunity to confirm his acting skills. I can confirmed that he can stare though because all the Mad Hatter did (save for a few measly lines) was to stare. Honestly, you can put any guy with the hairpiece and contacts and he'll be a Mad Hatter. You don't need Depp for that. And I was sorely disappointed because I expected much much more from Depp.

Finally, the movie was supposed to be a children's movie. We're talking about Alice in Wonderland and not Nightmare on Elm's Street or even Sweeney Todd. Alice was supposed to pay tribute to Carrol's imagination and allows the children's fun imagination to run wild. The Alice I watched was a rather twisted Alice with few gory scenes I will not recommend for any child below the age of ten. Burton may have gone overboard with his imagination but please do not destroy what a kid's memory of Alice should be.

Well, I went on a journey with Alice in Wonderland yesterday but until today, I still wonder 'What happened to Wonderland'?