Between hot dogs and kids, let us get our priorities right

There has been quite a fair share of Malaysian engineered hullabaloo over any food that contains ‘dog’ in its name. Faith is a very personal subject but I do take it as a personal offense when Muslim patrons are now deemed as incapable of making choices beyond the ‘Halal’ logo (which is also questionable at most times, if I may say it) or being utterly confused in practicing the tenets of our faith simply because we consume food like hotdogs. I’m starting to wonder how many years I’ve to spend in Hell because honestly, I’ve lost count of the many hotdogs I’ve swallowed blasphemously in the past!

On a serious note however, let us worry more on how our society has become in terms of manners. Kids are arguably extension of their parents. No doubt, some may rate the kids based on their appearance alone and have no qualms in saying their comments out loud. Like the time when I heard one old aunty commented to a young mother in a moving bus "Your baby is so fat liao!". I rolled my eyes, because the old aunty is hardly one to be described as skinny.

But how often do we hear comments based on the kids' manners? Growing up in a relatively conservative Asian society, we are constantly caught in this weird dilemma - kids are expected to be well behaved but Asian parents don't take too kindly to criticism from others of their kids' conduct. Every child is an angel while demonic cretins are merely characters in a story book. There are parents who would admonish their children behind closed doors (I was such a product) but there are also those who choose to ignore this - spare the rod and spoil the child. The latter probably believed with all their tiny hearts, that a fallen angel is still an angel. They forgot that Satan too was a fallen angel.

Whenever a kid misbehaves, it is not and never the kid's fault. Rather, it is the failure of his or her parents in bringing up the kid. That's my belief. And my belief gets strengthened every time I see young kids nowadays, whether we are related or not. When parents themselves are busy with their smartphones and iPads, and kids have their own gadgets and are literally left to their own devices, I often wonder - is this the latest family model? If yes, I am rather reluctant for an upgrade.

Whatsapps, facebook posts, selfies on Instagram and Youtube videos are not communication channels that link parents to their child. These are modern additions to what should have been a basic foundation that connects two different generations - the ability to talk to each other, face to face without a screen in between. The ability to play in open fields with their parents in the background, and not to play interactive games in their own rooms while parents are engrossed in their own online chats. The ability to become friends despite the differences in age, perspective and despite sharing the same blood group. One would think this is common sense but in today's world, what used to be ordinary is pushed aside as an abnormality.

This foundation potentially guards the parents against imposing their dreams on their child by the dastardly double-edged sword of age and experience, and understanding that every child is unique and a bearer of a soul that could be distinctly be the same as his parents or entirely different. Nevertheless, I agree that some may not subscribe to this for various reasons, one of which is that they too came from backgrounds that restricted them during childhood. So the cycle merely repeats itself. The child becomes a parent and many dreams will be left unfulfilled or filled with inner resentment.

When a kid feels a strong connection to his parents, one that is not dictated by how strong the Wi-Fi signal is, the kid is a blessed child. He would know that the world is his to conquer if he chooses to do so, but in the event the storms get too violent, he can always return to a secure and loving family. He can count on his friends for youthful frolics but he knows that familiar voices of family will always remind him whenever he steps out of line.

From yesterday's dinner experience, I saw a little girl at a table with her mother and grandparents. The grandparents kept to themselves, the mother was busy cleaning her own plate and ... the girl was watching youtube videos on her mini iPad. She didn't touch her food and the volume used was enough to entertain the whole restaurant. In what could only be a reproduction of their dining routine, the family remained oblivious to the blaring sounds despite glares from fellow diners. I moved to another table but dinner was already a spoiled moment.

But nothing is as bad as realising this - the kid will grow up thinking it is perfectly normal to watch loud youtube videos in restaurants. Or places which people pay quite a bit to enjoy a nice meal in a quiet setting, away from the toxic demands of work and life. She will either one day be ticked off by very irate diners or risk having her dinner accompanied with silent prayers of misfortune to befall her family for generations. By this time, she will probably come with her own kid in tow. So how will she explain the right thing in social decorum to her kid then?

 

Between hot dogs and kids, let us get our priorities right.

 

p/s: This post was published in themalaymailonline.com on 20 October 2016.