Of all the topics, I chose this one

I went out for lunch with KL quite a while ago and of all the topics under the sun, we ended up talking about obituaries and cemeteries. We could have talked about fashion trends or latest restaurants and yet, we talk about black printed words and white granite headstones.

The morbidity is purely my fault alone.

It started with us discussing the death of a member in our legal fraternity whose family placed an obituary ad in the papers. I read the ad and told KL how I've always been interested in reading up obituaries. I may not necessarily know the deceased but reading their obituaries and seeing their faces (when they were young or at the age of death) somehow makes me feel as if I know them.

KL must have been disturbed in discovering this fact about me. In fact, I think people who are reading this may be shaking their heads as well.

Obituaries are fascinating. By reading obituaries, I learn a great deal about other people's religions, read quotable quotes and to what may be a dismay to my English literature teachers, discover good poems on death.

Unlike death announcements for people sharing the same religion as me which are often confined to the phrase 'Al-Fatihah', I have to say I am more drawn to other types of obituaries. Before I proceed, kindly note that the following is not meant to insult or degrade any person living or dead from any religion or race. Any reference to any person living or dead is purely unintentional and meant without harm. What I'm about to write is purely my observation and personal opinion which should not be taken to construe the general perception, whether right or wrong.

Enough with the disclaimer.

I would often wonder with amusement whenever I come across an obituary for an Indian who practices the Hindu faith. There will be the customary photo of the deceased but more importantly, the obituary also serves as an 'announcement' of where their family members are located or currently working at. For instance, there will be 'Son - Gopal (TNB)' or 'Daughter - Rani (USA). I do not know whether it's meant to aid others to identify the deceased's family members or simply because common names are being used and there could be a case of mistaken identity. Families may have a few Gopals in their midst but how many Gopal are working with TNB? And an Indian obituary will always end with this line - 'Please treat this as a personal invitation'. This could be a reflection of the importance Indians place on family gathering or social events that would ordinarily generate a high number of attendees.

Next on my list would be Christian obituaries. Whether the deceased is of Chinese or Indian heritage (common in Malaysia), me reading their respective obituaries would translate into a short introduction of what, among others-

(a) Jesus Christ promised his followers - "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes
in Me shall live even if he dies"; and

(b) Paul said and repeated by many since then - "I've fought the good fight, finished the race and

kept my faith".

While I am not a Christian, reading those oft-quoted phrases do present a channel of understanding my Christian friends better. After all, I believe the beauty of religion is tolerance of others' faith. All religions (save for the extremists which I may add, exist in all parts of the world and not confined to what people commonly believe as Iraq or Afghanistan alone) promote goodness and that should be respected. As usual, I've digressed.

I wrote earlier that reading one's obituary is somewhat a short cut to knowing his or her family members. It's true. So much information could be squeezed out from that one tiny printed space. I would know, among others -

(a) how many children or grandchildren the deceased left behind. There are cases when children

pre-deceased their parents and their parents' obituaries would show 'Son - deceased'. In

other instances, the parents of a young deceased person would often make reference to 'sadly

missed by your loving parents, sisters, brothers etc';

(b) whether the deceased person's child married someone (or a few others) from a different faith

or for Asians, having foreigners as their spouses;

(c) that one (if not all) of the deceased's children are working professionals or ranked person

judging by the credentials of Dr., Ir. or honorifics like Dato', Datin etc; and

(d) whether the deceased person has adopted children or a godparent to some young kid.

I planned to write about the cemeteries I've visited or the ones that have caught my eye but I think I need to reserve it (the issue, not the plot. No pun intended) for another time. In the mean time, I just realised I have yet to peruse today's paper to check on the latest updates in the 'obituary' department. Okay, that sounds so wrong.

But personally, in the words of Benjamin Franklin -

"I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up."

p/s by the way, it would be pertinent to note how I got the title of my blog page. "Ave Atque Vale" is a latin phrase which literally means 'hail and farewell' (back in ancient Rome) or simply 'hello and goodbye' in today's term. And how did I come across the phrase? It was the last line of a memoriam recorded in one of those old law journals. No surprises there.