Those that I used to know

I read in today's newspaper that a woman and her family were harassed by loan sharks thanks to non-repayment of loans taken by the husband. While I feel sorry for the unfortunate family, I know they are not the only ones to have suffered. Just as there are many flyers found stuck on traffic lights, bus stops, construction pillars, toilet cubicles (one does wonder if this is an effort to encourage reading while doing one's business) or even blatantly advertised on taxis (and if I may add, cheapens the look of our already notorious cabs), there are many more unreported stories beyond the confines of the press. For whatever reasons that have compelled the borrowers to resort to such drastic action, we are usually left incensed & outraged at the loan sharks' heartlessness.

 

Before we condemn the loan sharks to the deepest pits of Hell, think hard. The loan sharks are just doing what they do best, financial transactions between willing lender and willing borrower albeit at a higher interest rate than what is usually charged by lawful financial institutions. They are referred derogatorily as sharks but then again, they are not nuns, right? These people don't run charity shows or establish salvation armies to save desperate souls. They're simply in for a business, one that is  governed by 'give and recoup' basis and devoid of any emotional attachment.  While we dry our tears, let's also consider the following. When these borrowers signed their names above the dotted lines, they know that they're borrowing from loan sharks. They know that the interest will escalate when the loan is not settled. They know that loans must be repaid or someone will face the consequence(s).

 

So who's actually the heartless party?

To me, it's the borrower. But I know another group that is more heartless than one who borrows from a loan shark. One that borrows from a friend and refuses to pay. I should know. There have been a few people who abused our bonds of friendship and took advantage of people's generosity. Our bond has since disappeared, as fast as the words 'I'll pay you back, thanks!' left their mouths and my money left my account. They have become people that I used to know and a reason for me to blog about.

I'm trying to see these encounters as an expensive lesson. One that is best reflected in an American proverb,  "In God we trust; all others must pay cash". To me, the basis of an enduring friendship is the trust that the people I've become friends with will not let me down. They can count on me to help whenever possible and for them to be there when I need them. Instead, I discovered that trust is like a crumpled piece of paper. Once it's gone, it can never be perfect.

It's most annoying to think that one stands to lose a friend or friends from doing them a favour. From my own experiences, these 'friendly loans' are always without interest and backed by nothing but your friend's mere request for help at their critical moments. While I may have my own financial concerns to settle (mind is inevitably reminded of the dastardly credit card bills and other installments gnawing at a huge chunk of whatever peanuts I bring home), it becomes secondary when a friend comes for help. During that moment, it's always a tug-of-war between who needs my money most. Between saying no (and keep your finances in order) or yes (and keep your friendship alive). I tend to choose the latter because I thought I was being kind. On a hindsight, it's not kindness. It's sheer stupidity. For our so-called bond which I had treasured, is worthless to them. Had they considered our friendship, they would have remembered to pay. And if they can't pay in full, then they would have at least attempted to pay in installments. There's nothing wrong or shameful about that. I know I pay my own bills in installments.

Most, if not all, chose to completely forget to repay. Ambrose Bierce summed it up most beautifully, 'Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience'. I remembered a time when I myself needed that money back. So desperate was I that I sent out sms-es asking for repayment. It was not an easy thing to do, as I thought I was being a bad friend in requesting for my own money to be returned! When my friendly reminders were conveniently ignored, I then knew that what was originally a loan became a forced tithe on my part. Donation to undeserving people. But some that I used to know were not only deprived of conscience. They must have undetected Alzheimer's disease as well. One particular person even had the audacity to ask for more loans without any reference to the outstanding sum. Having been bitten once, I checked with other friends and they confirmed that they too have lent money without clue as to when they'll get it back. That was when I gave this person a call (more expenses on my part!) and said that I will not lend any more money until I'm repaid. I finally got my money back but that was the end of our friendship. No amount of Facebook add-friend invites or calls on her part will tempt me to resume our friendship.

I will not walk barefoot on shattered glass when the other person wears shoes at my expense.

P/S: I must have sounded like a female Ebenezer Scrooge but I really do treasure my friendships as much as a healthy bank account. Don't you think the same way too?