Picture This

Mama was searching for a picture of her recently deceased friend (who died of leukemia) when she stumbled upon the many photo albums stashed away over the years. Unlike other families where pictures are hung on the walls or placed in prime positions around the house, my family somehow ‘hides’ the pictures. Instead of being paraded out in the open, our pictures (framed or otherwise) are kept in drawers, cupboards and other nooks and crannies to collect dust. To prove a point, the wedding pictures of my parents taken close to three decades ago only saw the light of day sometime last month. Pictures of Mama as the shy bride or Abah as the groom (whose expression was fixed to be that of a no-nonsense glare) are now arranged on the mantelpiece bearing striking physical differences with their present counterparts. Haha. As my sisters are already overseas, I took it upon myself to transform the walls of our upstairs’ television room into a display of family pictures. Even then, only those who are allowed to venture upstairs are able to see the pictures. For those who have only been in our living hall, there is no sign of an actual family living in the house.

Anyway, in those albums (and many more albums which I believe, are still trying to be ‘rescued’ out of the wilderness) were pictures of myself in younger years, of my sisters when they were still chubby and cherubic, of people who have since left us for another world and moments captured in time which would otherwise have been forgotten. I even managed to get my hands on Abah's childhood photos which was nothing short of a miracle. Funny thing about our parents is that we never could think they were once kids. And they were kids just like we were before =)

My dad with his brothers (I could spot 4 of my uncles in the picture) and other 4 boys which could be their friends/neighbours [photo circa late 1950's]

My dad is the one standing at the right hand corner

There were pictures of myself in the arms of my paternal grandmother along with my cousin and Abah taken at Port Dickson or pictures of me as a toddler trying to make sense of the cold Genting Highlands with my parents and granny. How I miss my granny so much, words can’t describe the longing. I was even snapped enjoying myself with Abah in the waters of Port Dickson, back in the times when I would not have minded the dirty sticky seawater or the blistering sun which would darken my complexion. If you ask me now, I will say I was definitely crazy. Now, I would only head to the swimming pool with the pseudo-confidence that the water is cleaner (thanks to the enormous amount of chlorine which by the way, affects one’s skin as well. But that’s another story) and I would only swim either in the early morning or evening when the sun could not do that much damage to my skin. I’ve learnt from childhood that no amount of frolics in the sea would be enough to cover the embarrassment of sporting ‘Panda’ eyes to school.

Then, there were pictures to provide snapshots of our family trips. One trip which I could remember was to Penang where we stayed at the famed E&O Hotel before the hotel underwent extensive renovation. I think I was around 6 years old whereas my sisters were 3 and 2 years old respectively. Mama was still with her permed hair (a style which she has left behind ever since she started wearing the headscarf). Another outing was in Langkawi when I was in Secondary One and the family accompanying Abah during part of his sabbatical in Wales, Cardiff.

My two younger sisters and I during one of the Raya gatherings held at my late grandfather's house

My sisters during their toddler years. On a hindsight, I should have impressed upon them then that I'm the Boss and what I say is THE law. I've unfortunately missed the boat.

And photos were a must during every birthday celebration, whether it was mine, my sisters or our cousins. During those years, we would gather without fail to celebrate each other’s birthdays, sing birthday songs and in the process, try to blow the candles first regardless of whose birthday it was. The birthday cakes disappeared as we got older (and replaced by family dinners at restaurants or outings with friends) but these pictures reminded me of a time where one’s birthday could very well be the most important event in the annual calendar! Younger cousins now celebrate their birthdays in the same fashion as we did but we no longer join in the rush to donate saliva onto the birthday cakes (and adding extra flavour to it along the way. Abah until today will not eat any child’s birthday cake which has candles to be blown).

Thanks to Mama, I managed to see pictures of my primary schoolmates at a time where UPSR (the Malaysian standard examination for Primary Six students) was viewed to be the greatest obstacle back then. I chuckled at the sight of my class photos during Primary One-Three and lamented at the disappearance of my Primary Four-Five pictures. One thing for sure, I did not really change much in the height department!

My Primary Two picture. Thanks to my lack of height, I'm always at the front row. Here, I'm sitting second from the right [photo circa 1991]

My Primary Three picture. Again, I'm the one sitting second from the right [photo circa 1992]

I used to hate taking pictures because I don’t see the need to photograph mundane events. Yet, because of the old albums and the precious flashbacks they produced, I now carry a small camera with me everywhere I go. Pictures may be pointless at the time they were taken but no one could afford the precious value of pictures once the moment is gone. With pictures, I am constantly reminded of who I was and I learn to appreciate things in their present state without rushing to grasp the future.